Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Haiz..believe it or not life hasnt been easy on me these few days...aku tk habis2 menangis...dan bile aku nangis these couple of days, its the worst..nasib aku nangis over the phone. lau tidak malu aku..sehingga aku tak boleh pon nak bernafas..haiz.ntah kenape aku byk fikiran..semenjak dier join abg2 sedarenye racing team, aku sentiasa sedih..dier sanggup ketepikan aku just for them..i know at times i have to give him freedom.its the only thing that made him happy..tapi aku tetap rase diketepikan..and ever since the beritahu aku yg ex dier mula contact dier balik, aku sentiase fikirkan dan sangkakan yg buruk tentang dier..and yesterday, finally i told him all that ive been thinking abt since he was pestering me like a mosquitoe and he threaten to come to my house to force me totell him my problems..aku bkn tk nk bilang..cuma aku tk nk bebankan dier dgn masalah aku yg tk seberape..i know dier risau kan aku sebab i have been feeling emotional for days and been crying for days..and he knows that when im having my menses i will begin my siren..haha..lepas aku luahkan segale2, dier mengeluh je..aku serba salah sebab dier kene fikirkan tentang aku walaupon dier ade masalah sendiri..and dier tk pernah abaikanku selame 9bulan kita bersama..ive been thinking alot and what he say to me was so right even though it hurts me..he didnt say it directly tapi i know wat he meant..lina u really need to grow up and i gues thats the realistic azam tahun baru yg sepatutnye kukecapi akhir tahun 2009ape yg dier katekan padaku really somehow enlgihten me..dier bukan lah budak baik but he have seen the world before me and not jsut because of the our age but also he experiences life much more than me..and i trust him so much..after the three hour call, i sat down and thougt abt us..selame 9 bulan, i have done nothing to understand him..i felt so bad...and he nvr brought that up no matter how much i irritate him..and yesterday he ask me how much did i learnt from him since knowing him?..and i was stunned..i realised i havent been a gd girlfriend to him..and i didnt know him like he knows me..haiz...what a letdown i am..i tot abt us...as in five yrs down the road...and i need him by my side..one day nt seeing him is like 1 mth..and i always think abt him w/o fail..abang,i minta maaf byk2 sebab bagi abg kerenah i tiap2 waktu. not did u nt scold me, but u have been patient with me..tk pernah abg marahi i selame kite kenal. walaupon abg marah, abg cuma diam jer.abg tahu semue tentang i..abg perhatikan gerak geri i..abg know when i will be angry, sad disappointed..every expression of mine changes and u know it..and i know its difficult for u to apologise to ppl even tho u r in the wrong.but u tetap minta maaf dgn i walaupon im in the wrong..i terlalu terharu..thank u syg..i promise i change for the better...u change me to become a better person during these 9 months and i hope i will change for the better not just for myself but for us too...