Assalamualaikum...

Heh..Sorry for not having to update in quite a while..actually i tot of uodating only after exams.. but then i changed my mind. I have been thinking about life a lot yesterday. Life is so difficult. I come to a decision that i cant please everyone. Neither everyone please me. Come on man.. We are human beings and human beings err. We should know that better than anyone else. Everybody in this world is not born with perfection right. Whatever lah..Like the saying goes "We propose, GOD disposes.." In other words..kite merancang tuhan menentukan. I mean there must be a reason why God doesnt fulfill our perancangan right. There must be something amiss with us since he doesnt restu kite right?

And nobody is a saint. Even if we do good deeds if our motive is wrong then itis still a sin k..and hypocrites do exists in our lives. Even u can be a hypocrite urself.

I really dont understand lah. If i say it, u will feel that i despise you when i dont despise or look down on you. Why are u so afraid of trusting others? To you...I hpe u can understand that in life, if ever you need to work with others, you need to trust them. I know that im not good in projects and communication, but i did my best..i really did my best to communicate with me. If i say i want to do those things that you are doing you will probably say that im showing off boasting..ok..thats the problem. u jump to conclusions.try not to jump to conclusion. I know u feel stress but i did not force you to do it all. u can divide the task to me, but instead u prefer that u do it. Bear it in mind that i dont force you. okay. You can talk behind my back or indirectly insinuate me but im not so stupid as to not know that u are actually talking abt us. maybe not then maybe its my fault for jumping to conclusion. But if it is really us u are referring to, then i have a lot more to object. I can burst anytime i want, fwen but the thing is i can still think maturely. my level of tolerance is higher now. But there is still a limit ya. Think maturely la. I didnt get angry with u because i thought u could do it. I trust ppl. Thats the problem. maybe i am too trusting. Learn to be reasonable and considerate. okay. yes its true that we do not have to change ourselves for others but sometimes, we have to adapt to other people just like others need to adapt around u. I am not scared of offending u like others do but i care abt all my friends and i dont want it to become stalemate. "berkerat rotan beraptah arang understand...? haiz..

Another thing, am i being too nice. I mean ppl say that in life sometimes w ehave to be selfish. But i feel its wrong and its against my conscience, For example, i know my work very well and my friends keep asking, izzit fair to teach her always and in the end letting her pass. Since secondary skool, i have been feeling like im fighting my conscience. Everytime i tutor somebody i got lesser marks than them. Its not fair but then i feel like i did a good deed just that i am not sincere. WHY MUST LIFE BE LIKE THIS? When i dont teach later they say behind my back that i lokek ilmu. selfish la ehk. I an really fighting with myself. thats what they dont know. I've been like this since sec 1. people think i am good la...when actually im just like all of you.. Im not born with everything inside my brain. I have loads more to learn. U guys wont understand la. u guys migth say those unkind things about me saying im moody arrogant and all but in the first place who made me moody. I dont like blaming others . Im just like evrybody else in the world. U guys dont know that i am not selfish. at times i may not answer ur questions because its ther. If u guys just read it more carefully than u will know. If exams how?..I want u guys to be successful too..I may not have a big heart or magnanimous but i dont have a bad heart. But its a freedom of speechout there. U can say anything u want. Its your mouth...

K..gotta go..will be updating after exams..hopefully